he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
