I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
