3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
