Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
