We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
