You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
