I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
