dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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