i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
