Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
