I think im going to throw up on grandma
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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