I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
