Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I supernannyed him into submission
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
