I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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