Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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