the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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