what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
