I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
only if we run a train.
done.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
