so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
