I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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