Don't you send me to vm
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
