Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
