i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
NoShamevember. You game?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
