Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
