chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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