so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
