i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
