Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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