ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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