He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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