From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
