Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
