he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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