I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
