My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
