she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
