after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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