this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
third nipple confirmed
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
