my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
