i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
