I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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