Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
