he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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