he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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