just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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