Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
