I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
