The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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