The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't think brook has ever known best
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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