i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
