Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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