Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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