somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
